Wednesday, October 16, 2013

One Year...

One year ago today

I had one of the most (mentally) difficult days I have ever experienced. I was feeling nauseated which is something I wish I never had to feel again and I decided to take a pregnancy test to "put my mind at ease". Well we all know how that worked out!! I was in shock and I LOST IT!! Alex was at work, Aidan was at his Maia's house, and I was home alone with 9 month old Colin. Thankfully a good friend stayed online to talk to me and try to calm me down for an hour and a half until Alex was home from work. 

I remember feeling shock (I had an IUD in, I should not have been pregnant!). I remember feeling guilt that Colin was so young still and I didn't know if/how I'd be able to care for him if I had hyperemesis again. I remember feeling terrified of going through another pregnancy, and so many other things too. I didn't even register the fact that I was going to have a baby - all I could think about is that I did not want to be pregnant. Even though I wasn't thinking about the baby at the end I do remember one of the first things Alex said was, "we are going to have THREE kids"! Haha, men. 

Now here we are one year later and we did it! I survived 207 days of being nauseated and throwing up, weeks of not being able to really eat or drink anything at all, a 20 pound weight loss, over 500 painful blood thinner injections in my stomach, three picc lines, daily Iv hydration and meds, preterm labor, the flu at 27 weeks, a 34 week birth, and a 12 day NICU stay. Now we have a daughter we never thought we would have and my boys were well loved by our families even when I wasn't able to be there for them and these are the most important things! 

I'm not completely better even though I'm no longer pregnant. If only it were that easy! I still have a lot of anxiety, my stomach is sensitive, I have awful nightmares, and the most random things will send me into a panic attack but I know all of these things will get better with time. I have been using exercise as my outlet and it really seems to help. I notice a big increase in anxiety when I miss a few days of working out. For right now working out is my anti anxiety "drug" and I hope to keep it that way. 

A lot of people have asked me if it (hyperemesis) was "worth it" and I guess it depends on a person's definition of the phrase. I usually say "yes" because that is what I am expected to say but it's more complicated than that. It definitely isn't worth it to me to get pregnant again to have another baby but if you ask me if I would do it again for Colin and Skylar the answer would be absolutely 100 times YES! I would do anything in the world for my kids. I'm just glad that my pregnancy with Skylar was a surprise because even though I wasn't sure I was done having kids before her, I never would have been able to choose to go through hyperemesis again... Ever. 

I am so amazed that something so so ugly (hyperemesis) can result in something so extremely beautiful. Here is my tougHGuy Colin and my tougHGirl Skylar. 


 


 
I am so thankful for all of the people that were there for us during the past two years - family, friends, my doctor, nurses (that became my friends!), and just everyone who had a hand in making sure we were taken care of. I don't know where we would have been without all of the support!! 

5 comments:

  1. Hi,
    I was looking for a way to get a hold of you. I'm starting a podcast about HG and I want to talk to you! Would you mind emailing me? My email is swimmingwithfrogs@gmail.com.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi everyone!
      I'm so excited share this testimony here about how i got my ex husband back after a break up. I'm Mitchell Donna 28 yr old from USA, Am a woman who love and cherish my husband more than any other thing you can imagine on earth continent. My husband was so lovely and caring after 3 years of marriage he was seriously ill and the doctor confirm and said he has a kidney infection that he needed a kidney donor, that was how I start searching for who can help, doctor has given me a periodic hour that he will live just 24 hours left, that was how I ask the doctor if I can be of help to my husband that was how he carried out the text, the confirming was successful, I was now having this taught that since 3 years now we got married I have not be able to get pregnant can I be able to get bring again? That was the question I ask the doctor, he never answer his response was did you want to lost your husband? I immediately reply no I can't afford to lose him. After the operation my husband came back to live and was healthy I was also OK with the instruction given to me by the doctor, after 3 months my husband came home with another lady telling me, that is our new wife that will give us kids and take care of us, that was how I was confused and started crying all day, that was how my husband ran away with his new wife cleanable. Since then I was confuse don't know what to do that was how I went back to the doctor and tell him everything, he told me that, this is not just an ordinary it must be a spiritual problem that was how he gave me this Email: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com that I should tell he all my problem that he can help that was how i contacted he and I do as instructed. After 22 hours and I have done what he ask me to do, my husband start searching for me and went back to the doctor, that was how we well settle he also told me not to worry that I will get pregnant, this month making it the fifth Month I contacted he am now 3 months pregnant. These great spell cater is a great man,
      if you have any kind of problem you can contact him here on his
      Email: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com or call/whataspp +2348160153829
      Save Your Crumbling Relationship

      Delete
  2. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. I am currently 15 wks and struggling with HG. I have good days and bad and little things, including your blog help me get through the difficult moments. This is my third and last pregnancy and so far the most difficult by far. Thank you again and God willing my angel with be here before Christmas.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi everyone!
      I'm so excited share this testimony here about how i got my ex husband back after a break up. I'm Mitchell Donna 28 yr old from USA, Am a woman who love and cherish my husband more than any other thing you can imagine on earth continent. My husband was so lovely and caring after 3 years of marriage he was seriously ill and the doctor confirm and said he has a kidney infection that he needed a kidney donor, that was how I start searching for who can help, doctor has given me a periodic hour that he will live just 24 hours left, that was how I ask the doctor if I can be of help to my husband that was how he carried out the text, the confirming was successful, I was now having this taught that since 3 years now we got married I have not be able to get pregnant can I be able to get bring again? That was the question I ask the doctor, he never answer his response was did you want to lost your husband? I immediately reply no I can't afford to lose him. After the operation my husband came back to live and was healthy I was also OK with the instruction given to me by the doctor, after 3 months my husband came home with another lady telling me, that is our new wife that will give us kids and take care of us, that was how I was confused and started crying all day, that was how my husband ran away with his new wife cleanable. Since then I was confuse don't know what to do that was how I went back to the doctor and tell him everything, he told me that, this is not just an ordinary it must be a spiritual problem that was how he gave me this Email: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com that I should tell he all my problem that he can help that was how i contacted he and I do as instructed. After 22 hours and I have done what he ask me to do, my husband start searching for me and went back to the doctor, that was how we well settle he also told me not to worry that I will get pregnant, this month making it the fifth Month I contacted he am now 3 months pregnant. These great spell cater is a great man,
      if you have any kind of problem you can contact him here on his
      Email: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com or call/whataspp +2348160153829
      Save Your Crumbling Relationship

      Delete
  3. Hi everyone!
    I'm so excited share this testimony here about how i got my ex husband back after a break up. I'm Mitchell Donna 28 yr old from USA, Am a woman who love and cherish my husband more than any other thing you can imagine on earth continent. My husband was so lovely and caring after 3 years of marriage he was seriously ill and the doctor confirm and said he has a kidney infection that he needed a kidney donor, that was how I start searching for who can help, doctor has given me a periodic hour that he will live just 24 hours left, that was how I ask the doctor if I can be of help to my husband that was how he carried out the text, the confirming was successful, I was now having this taught that since 3 years now we got married I have not be able to get pregnant can I be able to get bring again? That was the question I ask the doctor, he never answer his response was did you want to lost your husband? I immediately reply no I can't afford to lose him. After the operation my husband came back to live and was healthy I was also OK with the instruction given to me by the doctor, after 3 months my husband came home with another lady telling me, that is our new wife that will give us kids and take care of us, that was how I was confused and started crying all day, that was how my husband ran away with his new wife cleanable. Since then I was confuse don't know what to do that was how I went back to the doctor and tell him everything, he told me that, this is not just an ordinary it must be a spiritual problem that was how he gave me this Email: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com that I should tell he all my problem that he can help that was how i contacted he and I do as instructed. After 22 hours and I have done what he ask me to do, my husband start searching for me and went back to the doctor, that was how we well settle he also told me not to worry that I will get pregnant, this month making it the fifth Month I contacted he am now 3 months pregnant. These great spell cater is a great man,
    if you have any kind of problem you can contact him here on his
    Email: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com or call/whataspp +2348160153829
    Save Your Crumbling Relationship

    ReplyDelete